Romantic relationships, how to make them work...
The issue of relationships is probably the most prevalent area of inquiry by people who are being divined. And, after more than a quarter of a century of working in this paradigm, I believe that it is the most difficult to keep balanced.
There are a number of reasons for this. Most important is the basic energy differences between how men and woman approach relationships. My wife, Iyalawo Vassa, often jokes with me saying: ' there is no way men will ever understand women," and I believe she is correct. That lack of genuine understanding, after 100,000 or so readings, does not prevent me from making valid observations on how women are likely to react.even if I will never truly "know" why they do so.
As a mature man, one who has progressed through the heat of youth to the wisdom of my later years, I believe I do understand why men react the way we do.
As a general rule, women tend to take all the responsibilities for a relationship. Don't misunderstand me, they want the man to do, and behave, in certain ways, but when the man fails to do so, they invariably ask: " what more could I have done?" or "what did I do wrong?" or "what is wrong with me?" rather than place the responsibility on the males' behavior.
Conversely, men tend to take the opposite viewpoint. When a relationship turns sour, they tend to blame it on the woman. "She" should have done more, She is being unreasonable, and She isn't tuned to what I want.
Both attitudes are wrong.and, for the most part, typically Western.
In a rational earth based philosophy such as Ifa once was, the relationship between the male and female energy is symbiotic, not confrontational or supremacist. It is understood, by observing Nature and how it functions, that the two energies offer different strengths, capacities and possibilities. That in working together, offspring are produced, food is provided, safety and shelter are guaranteed.and it doesn't matter if you are a lion and lioness, or a male and female fruit tree. It never even occurred to critical observers of the way Oludumare's creation functioned to presume that any single energy was better than another. That remained for man.and primarily Western society, to corrupt.
When you start with a "my God" is better than yours.that the Creative Force of He/She/It is a "He", you set the stage for arbitrary supremacy.and it is a very small step to carry that over to male/female relationships. Based simply on physical strength, men who accepted this supremacist theory sought to impose their will on women. Based on their perceived weakness, women sought to be protected by being acquiescent. Through the years this has led to the view that any failure in the male/female relationship must be - from the female viewpoint - a failure to do enough; and from the male viewpoint, annoyance that more was not done for them!.
I counsel woman after woman and ask: " Has it ever occurred to you the guy is a Jerk?" Even when they acknowledge this is the case, they quickly revert to asking, "What can I do to get him back?" .
By the way, men seldom call about repairing a relationship. It makes a kind of sick sense when you realize that from their supremacist viewpoint, they can't possibly be at fault. If you are looking to make a relationship work, you must look to Ifa's understanding of the symbiotic, not parasitic, basis of human relationships. If you are a woman you must empower yourselves of your own strengths.which are at the very least equal to men. If you are a man who wants a relationship, not simply a bed partner, you must divest yourself of the notion that women are here to care for and please you.that at the very least, those tasks are mutual .
Note: If your orientation is same-sex relationships, the same dynamics, on a subtler level, tend to apply. Within the relationship there is almost invariably a partner who expressed the male view of "it's owed to me" and the female view of "I owe it."
Well, get rid of it. Relationships can be beautiful as well as equal.
Blessings,
Oluwo Philip Neimark
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